Yeah so today was pretty fucking cool.
This song describes so much of my life the past year.
(This isn’t the real version of the song. Since it’s a bonus track, it hasn’t been allowed to be uploaded to youtube so the pitch is way lower than the actual song).
I can’t explain how amazing it is to no longer be controlled by an eating disorder.
Number one thing I learned from Ana today: Don’t say, “I’m sorry.” Say, “I’m sexy.”
Celebratory handstand for officially finishing my third year at Boston University! It’s been a crazy experience, and I’m so excited to be a senior! Summer, here I come!
Today was freaking fab because I had a presentation and wore a dress that doesn’t require a bra (hollaaaa) and then I fell asleep on the soccer field for like three hours and got a lil color. Only one more final to go and then I’m done with junior year!
I seriously crave the day that I can Skype/FaceTime people without any anxiety.
I’m not even kidding you yesterday I was walking down the street with my dad and he pointed to a girl and said, “That gap between her thighs is so big it looks like she is riding a horse.”
omgmgmmgmgmgggggggg wtf dad ahahahah
GuuYYYYSSS my nose is pierced <3 my street cred just went up by like 40 billion
Sometimes I really hate how my ED keeps me from wanting to drink and have fun like a normal college student. Stupid liquid cals.
It’s so crazy to look back on my life, even to just a few months ago. I’ve been doing it all day, since it was my last time seeing the therapist I’ve been seeing for the past 6 months.
Before I started my treatment, I was a mess. I cried everyday, self harmed very frequently, was underweight, had no friends. I really hated myself.
Now, while I deal with enough self-hate still, the serious sadness and depression has pretty much evaporated. Even though I have plenty of bad days where I cry and I hate, I’m overall very happy.
If you think that losing weight is going to make you happy, you’re wrong. If you think that eating close to nothing, and working out three times a day, and seeing your bones poke through your skin is going to make you happy, you’re wrong. You’ll never be satisfied or truly fulfilled just because of a number on a scale. Fuck that scale. Throw it away. What are you great at? Explore it. Love where you are and who you are because you’re a beautiful being with so much heart and soul and you fucking deserve it.
Dig deep and find your purpose. And I promise you, God didn’t create you for the sole purpose of being skinny.
You know he’s the one when you use the last of your almond butter for his almond butter and jelly sandwich
Tomorrow I’m meeting with my therapist for the last time and I’m pretty broken up about it. I wrote her a two page note telling her how much she’s done for me and how much I’ll miss her and I can barely sleep because I can’t get it off my mind. How am I supposed to deal with this???