{Clashing like a mofo for my train ride to yoga tonight but I don’t care. Something/one has to brighten up this gloomy weather.
{This was me on Tuesday when it was super nice and sunny outside but now it’s Thursday and disgusting and rainy and it’s not enjoyable.
I’ve been so incredibly happy lately.
((I even ate pizza AND pasta AND bread last night and I’m not freaking out, or dead))
{Holy moly do I feel amazing. Blackmilk, I love thee. Thanks for making me look fab.
Just a little update on what’s been going on with me:
On Sunday night I had a serious break down. I was leaving my home on LI to come back to Boston after a really awesome weekend with my family, and I just started hysterically crying. Everyone on the train was staring at me but I didn’t care. I couldn’t stop. I was thinking about getting older (my mom just turned 50 and my dad 49) and couldn’t help but hate myself for not talking advantage of all of the experiences I’ve been given, or getting to know all of the people I’ve come across in my life. I was yelling at myself for not appreciating it all.
I decided it’s time for a change. Time to really start to feel and experience and love. Yesterday was a really great day. I went to a spa by myself and got a massage and spent a little over two hours without my phone or any other people and I just got to take a little time for myself. After that, I met some of my fellow TTs from my first yoga teacher training at my favorite restaurant in Boston, so I fueled myself with delicious food and laughs and happiness. Then Zachary came back after being away from a week, and it’s always the best being able to fall asleep with him.
I really am taking the time to enjoy everything- each bite of food, or sip of tea, the wind on my face. It feels nice. I’m trying to dispel all negativity and hate and I think it’s working. I’m happy.
I also decided quite a while ago to stop weighing myself, and it’s been one of the best gifts I’ve given myself. Yeah, sometimes I think about what the number is, but it doesn’t define who I am and it’s lovely.
I want everyone to be happy and free and alive. This feeling is what life should be all about, and it’s really sad to me that so many things get in the way.
{This is me tired and hiding out in my room because my mom’s father, who is a total douche bag, and my mom’s step mother, who is a total twat, and my mom’s half sister, WHO IS LITERALLY 12 YEARS OLD BECAUSE THEY ADOPTED HER FROM CHINA WHEN THEY WERE LIKE 60, are here and if you couldn’t tell I’m really not fond of any of them.
HALLLLPPP.
Currently eating loads of greasy French fries with ketchup with high fructose corn syrup (two huge fear foods) and (trying really hard to) not give a shit.
It’s my mom’s birthday and I should have fun. It’s my mom’s birthday and I should have fun.It’s my mom’s birthday and I should have fun.It’s my mom’s birthday and I should have fun.
Struggling like mad because today will be day 2/3 with no exercise (besides the 3.1 I’ll run tomorrow morning) and I’ve been eating like crazy. When I’m home I always do this and it drives me insane. Any words of encouragement :(?
Okay it’s really not alright for my 15 year old sister to look drop dead gorg and I’m just sitting here like this….
SO today I had my bi-yearly physical fitness assessment for the air force and I was nervous about it for a few reasons:
1. I took five hours of yoga with the creator of Forrest Yoga yesterday, which means tight EVERYTHING
2. Because of that, I was extra nervous than usual about the push-up portion of the test, because normally it’s not my best area AND my body was pretty achey.
3. I never really do any cardio (besides the cardio in vinyasa classes or riding my bike, or whatever we do in CrossFit) so I’m never excited about the 1.5 mile run.
4. I HATE getting weighed (which is something we need to have done with the test, along with a waist measurement). And I’ve felt like I’ve been gaining quite a bit. I get really paranoid about being a higher weight when people weigh me at different times.
BUUUUTTT surprise surprise this was my best PFA EVER. I got a 100! I got 50 pushups in a minute (I only needed 50 to max), 56 sit ups in a minute (only needed 54), and I ran the mile and a half in 10:16 (only needed to run it in 10:23).
Also, my weight has gone done a bit, which I was glad to see (it’s still healthy, so the doctors won’t be upset).
I seriously am so pumped that I did so well, especially since I wasn’t really expecting it :))). I guess there is hope in getting healthier and stronger xox.
{My little sister sent me a picture of her working on her headstand and I’m seriously like the world’s proudest momma right now <333333
I’m so sick of not being able to enjoy the food I want to eat.
I feel like everyday I hear a new thing: “Don’t eat soy! Soy is the devil!” or “Eating too many nuts is bad” or “Fruit has too much sugar, stop eating so much of it.”
I’m so envious of people who eat without guilt or rules. Even those people who eat tons of shit everyday. If they’re doing it without feeling bad, then all the power too them. I’m so done with not being happy because of the strain food puts on my emotions.
